Hell is made up of the 'Single' People Around You

I have a very good friend, and until recently we both shared in an odd but satisfying hobby:

Feeling our lonely hearts with meaningless one night stand(s). Thankfully, he has just bagged himself a girlfriend, and a cool one at that. But seeing as he has very good manners and in order not to make me feel bad about my continued exclusion from the dating world, he is trying very hard not to gloat about it.
I however feel otherwise; I think if you have successfully escaped from the dark depths of single hood, you should boast about it. Actually, you shouldn’t shut up about it. Rejoice in the fact that you have someone. That one person you can unload all your weird mannerisms, quirks and habits on to and relax knowing that he/she will take those habits and cherish them as part of you.And that's why we really get mad when we suffer a break up, the fact that you know someone somewhere in this world knows that you scream NWANU while having an orgasm could make you go gaga! 
But can sex be really as sweet as nwanu???
Make I nor lie you, udara over sex any day,any time!  
Ooh ok, maybe only during the month of December when its available *grins*

Nwanu aka Udara aka agbalumo

But being very honest, I love to love.
I think its a good thing, but just don’t do it too much that it begins to annoy people around you.

So my friend refers to the fact that he's in a relationship in every conversation that comes up whether relevant or not.

Scenario 1;

Me: “I wonder who would replace Ex Chelsea’s Coach Roberto Di Matteo?”

My Friend: I can’t be bothered about such, my girlfriend just called me to ask if I wanted to eat Eba or Fufu with the Afang soup she just prepared.

Scenario 2;

Me: Don’t you just hate people who snore?

My Friend: I couldn’t agree more but my girlfriends snore is more like a lullaby, it puts me to sleep.

Scenario 3;

Me: Dude! Check out that onions (ass) over there…doesn’t it make you want to cry!
My Friend: My girlfriend says the best way to prevent crying while dicing onions is by putting it in the fridge for some minutes, do you think she’s right?

The difference between an onion booty and a garlic booty

Ok happy people, at this point in time, I swear I would have committed murder! Arrrrrgh!!! The insolence!!!

But the truth is, without doing a little bit of boasting, no one will ever know you’re truly happy.

So my people! Go out there with your head held high and a body armour just incase you get stabbed or shot at, confident in the knowledge that everyone in the world is a sad and lonely except you.
You deserve to be happy *huge grin*