NEWS PAPER

 Newspaper *laughs* the name alone seems funny to me.


Isn't it amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always seems to fit exactly in the newspaper? So your telling me the recent happenings from the North, East, West & South can be covered in just a thin sheet of paper?


Slowly, newspapers are becoming obsolete with the ever changing technology & the lackluster nature of people to read nowadays, face it, apart from the co-operate sectors & our parents, who still goes out to buy newspaper to read? Well I do, why? Just for the cartoon section. Even though the humour is sometimes flaccid & the drawings are un-artistic you have to admire the enthusiasm of the owner of that column.

But what I don't get is the Obituary section. It creeps me out just thinking of how the columnist sleeps at night. Personally, I can't be in charge of such a column....Abegi!!! I nor need willie willie package for night!  You'll agree with me that Willie Willie scared the shit out of your pants as a kid each time it came on & if u weren't sacred, then your probably over 50 years, n you missed out on a generation that all it took to scare us was a white blanket, I'm sorry, accept my condolence.

Back to the obituary section, what's the deal with everyone dying courageously. U always see a quote like "Gone to Glory"  or some bull crap like that. I mean statistically, all cases can't be like that, there must have been some cowardly or out right dumb ordeal that lead to the demise of such a person.

For example Chibuike aka chi-byke da' barber who was found dead at the bottom of a 11 story-building after he attempted to fly from the rooftop. Yes fly, not suicide, he fondly questioned how birds could fly so my guess is, he finally summoned the courage to take a leap of fate. Damn! Such a dumb leap if you ask me, why not start from the ground? I bet he never saw a bird hopping the stairs of a 11 story building, just to take off from the rooftop! Dumb dude!

I know, I know...I'm not meant to speak bad about the dead that's why sometimes I can't help but wonder what people would say about me when I'm gone...I know I'll like to know, wouldn't you? So I asked a friend what she would say about me when I'm n sadly this was her response "Mike Litoriz loved to laugh"

"Loved to laugh" what the fuck does that mean? Its like saying I loved to eat cause to me, LAUGHING, EATING & SEX are the 3 instinctive norms of the human race. But come to think of it, are there people out there who don't like to have a good laugh?
Weirdos if you ask me... deep down I think we all love to laugh, but we refuse to, we rather hold on to meaningless grudges which now puts a damp on our lives & we lose our funny-bone. That's why I strive to find the humour in any situation I see my self even if its in a casket which we would all end up in one day. I've already told my soul mate to spike the drinks n food if I die b4 the age of 75yrs cos that's d age I hope to die. C'mon who really wants to live forever? At least I would have my last laugh knowing that people would get seriously fucked up at my burial!!! Hahahahaha!!! Sick ain't it?

The summary of the day is if you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed and if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed and the way for newspapers to meet the competition of the ever changing technology (radio, television, phones, Ipads etc...) is simply to print the news on a better paper....say ROLLING PAPER only then would we get a puff of the news *winks*