Scars for Life!

Man has always been fascinated by body decoration, or as I would like to call it; self mutilating act.

It started out with “OPEN TEETH”
Once upon a time, people lived in an era where having an OPEN TEETH was considered a beautiful thing and as such, females went to get their front teeth chiselled and they were charged heavily for such…. “hey! Check out my OPEN TEETH! It’s big enough to suck 10 periwinkles at once!


This self mutilating act now digressed to tribal marks. Do you know that up till today, babies are still being scarred with tribal marks especially in the Northern parts of Nigeria? SAD!
But no one can out shine the typical Ibadan man and his tribal marks. I hear the men “play love” with their wives in the kitchen by helping her grate the okro with their tribal marks!



Then we now have tattoos!
That ink never comes off! And I must remind you, it hurts to put it on and you pay the morokofo plus if you finally want to take it off, it hurts again and you still have to pay the MOROKOFO!


One reason not to get a tattoo is that a tattoo is a positive identification and no one should ever do anything to identify themselves openly. Example; when going in for an exam you didn’t study for and you decide to wear your Chelsea Jersey with “MIKE LITORIZ” written at the back…..

Writing THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD on your answer script won’t save you from being moved to the front of the class to write the exam all alone after the Lecturer has screamed “MIKE LITORIZ” for the 100th time
What do you know about scribbling?! Mike scribbled his way through a two and a half hour exam! I go by this theory, it's called “FULL BOOK THEORY” You have lesser chances of failing a course if your answer script is full. Say for instance, you’re asked to describe 7up but just like Fido Dido’s dreads, your brain matter has disintegrated into loose strands and you only know Sprite because its spotted bottle reminds you of Super Ted….
*if you’re not an 80’s kid you won’t have a clue of what I’m talking about here*
So what do you do? Describe Sprite to the fullest and bounce! At least you’re sure of an E!
FULL BOOK THEORY! It NEVER fails…
Wait oh!, what were we talking about…? Ohhhh ok! Guns! Sorry, 9/11……no!

*scrolls up*

OOOOOH OK! YES! TATTOOS!!!

So I never got a tattoo. But I had some good ideas. I was going to get dotted lines tattooed on all my joints and wherever I bend. It would come with little instructions: "Fold here" "Do not glue here" or my BBM bar code on my forehead so that way, all you need do is to scan my forehead to add me.
Talk about 666! Illuminati!!! Hahahahahahaha! I love hearing Ignorant people talk about Illuminati, its fucking hilarious!
 Seriously, just this out one day, just walk into a barbers shop or a salon and utter these words
“DO YOU KNOW WHY THE ILLUMINATI SYMBOL HAS ONLY ONE EYE?”

Now step back and watch people debate and when they finally ask you why?
Tell them that the other eye had Apollo!!!


Ermmmm….what were we talking about again?!?!


*rubs bald head*

My mind tends to wonder far away like Alice in wonderland but yet as deep as the hole she fell into...it would surely be a deep hole...deeper than hell fire or maybe sharing fence with hell fire?

Anyways, still on the tattoo matter….

Here's one idea I almost went through with. I was going to get my nipples tattooed as radio dials: "volume" and "tuning." And the hair in the middle of my chest was going to be the equalizer and
When I raise my arms...Armpit speakers!
I guess the most popular tattoo of all time is MOM. A lot of guys get MOM. No one ever gets POP. You know why? Cause you can't read POP in the mirror. In a mirror, MOM comes out MOM. But POP comes out as"909." What the fuck is that?



And if you want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, you’ll just get two letters done. Get about one-inch capital M tattooed on each cheek of your ass. Then when you bend over, it says "MoM." Also, later on if you're having sex with your girlfriend, and her MOM catches you both, you can just lie on your back, draw your legs up to your chest and silently say, "WoW!"
Here's a solution to an age old tattoo problem. If your girlfriend's name, say "BANE" is tattooed on your arm, and you break up with her, don't have the tattoo removed. Just have the tattoo reworked so it says, "FUCK BANE"
Anyways tattoos are passé. They're yesterday's thing. I'm looking for the next big thing in body decoration. And I think I may have found it.
Everyone's skin has imperfections. It's unavoidable.
I think people should see these imperfections and disfigurements as positive things. Flaws and defects can actually be forms of decoration take moles...

*God's punctuation mark on you, it is finished! Full STOP!*
The only problem with moles is that they’re usually randomly placed; they don't represent anything. I think plastic surgeons should offer a new service: rearranging people's moles. Think of your moles as a fashion accessories.

“OMG! Look at all the moles that guy has!" "Yes, and aren't they nicely arranged?" There are lots of things you can do with moles: u can make shapes, u can also make a smiley on your face, and how about moles with Velcro…. you could change the colours…that way, ladies would finally colour block themselves

Before I leave this subject, I have one more idea, this one is for the truly avant garde: How about living small, live animals medically grafted onto your skin?

Wouldn't you like to have a small cute pussy cat grafted on your chest?

That way, the pussy can tease your nipples from time to time...

I don't believe the body decorating trend has reached its peak yet but till then lets realize our imperfections; wrinkles, bullet holes, scars, blotches, stab wounds, cysts, warts, needle holes, acne pits, enlarged pores eczema, ringworm, craw-craw etc…. makes us who we are.

Because on that final day....Eeehn! God go ask for your original particulars ooh!